Jelled for Life

这一年又是在中国过我的生日，突然有种落寞的感觉，感觉眼神异常空洞没有了焦点，还未回神，人还未清醒。很想什么都不做，只要学会了等待就可以过的浮世般，等吃，等睡，等夕阳，等日出，等狂欢，等梦境，最后等老，等长眠。但是现实却把你从美梦中敲醒，生活依然不止不息，能挥霍的时间和青春已十分有限，与还不能够预测的未来。

在马来西亚的日子过的如同魔幻世界般的，一切都美的无话可说，但却美的很危险。突然有种感触，为什么许多爱看夕阳的人，都不愿等到日落水中才离开，是因为不舍和不忍，消失无形的一刹那，对于一个完美主义的人而言，是极其残酷的，所以只有背身而去，那么才会显得夕阳的美丽，而不是黑暗时的落寞。

最后，祝我生日快乐。

I have recently made the decision that life is all about perspective.  situations can be objectively good or bad, or both, for that matter.  but your perspective determines everything.  it is so hard to actually view what a situation is like from other people’s points of view that many just give up on it.  i would say that it is one of the things in life that is well worth the hard work.  even though you might not end up agreeing with them, a broader perspective is always a positive thing.  try not to judge people; they might be different or have different motivations, but that doesn’t make them inferior to you. 

i have also decided that the worst thing to do about a situation you can’t influence is to be bitter about it.  this doesn’t do anything to help fix the situation, and it definitely doesn’t do anything to broaden your perspective.  no matter how bad the situation is, it is possible to get past it.  once you get to the other side and pick up the pieces, the resulting person will be more resilient than the one who went in. 

evidently i’ve made some decisions recently.  i guess that’s not all bad.  one more thought.  logical love isn’t true love.  there should be a logical component, but if that’s all there is, perhaps you should reconsider. 

Before the end of this year, there are a couple of goals that I would like to accomplish. I plan on ganing weight, gaining muscle, eating healthier, and keep track of it. So far I have been taking small steps to accomplish this goal but there are still some things that need improvement.

Is pretty annoying when has been sentimental sometime,but that’s ain’t hidden when you’re grown old and old.  Do you remember what you did yesterday? Do you remember what happened to you when you were being mature? As much as you want to remember what it was like to be born, you probably dont. Memory doesnt allow that to happen. And although you have a better chance of understanding what happened yesterday, you may not be exactly inclined to remember much as a baby because you had nothing to use as a reference. Much of what you remember is because you have been exposed to it before. WHen you were brought to this earth, you had nothing to compare things to so it may be hard for you to remember. Memory remains to be a mystery in this life and for many it has become there savior. Without memory, we would not be able to read and write on an everyday basis.However,there’s good or bad,something is cant erase from your brain,memory is the ability to store, restore, retain, retrieve information,you’ll hide nowhere..

All of us will think of our suffering as unique and private,But what is most private is also most universal.People have been there and gone through the same suffering.What can we learn from them so that we are prepared?what must we plan ahead to understand?what can we do,to better prepareourselves to handle the crisis.

I think the following advance preparation are useful:

1. Ask- ask “what” instead of “why”.
2. see- about “who is responsible for our “suffering”.
3. Learn- from someone who was suffering.
4. Accept- accept the miracles
5. Call- call ourselves to make that quantum leap in our faith.
6. Equip- equip ourselves to help,comfort and counsel others..

1. Your name spelled backwards:  Gianwee

2. Where were your parents born? Malaysia,Seremban

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?  TVB drama series.

4. What’s your favorite restaurant?  Seoul house

5. Last time you swam in a pool?  Opps,that’s age ago..

6. Have you ever been in a school play?  No

7. How many kids do you want? great question,how could i know?

8. Type of music you dislike most? everyone has misunderstood this question…it says what do you DISLIKE….and for me that is rap

9. Are you registered to vote?  damn straight I am
10. Do you have a car?  Yes
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?  yes

12. Ever prank call anybody?  Yes
13. Ever get a parking ticket?  no

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? heck no

16. Do you have a garden?  i do at hometown

17. What’s the size of your bed?  Twin at Melbourne and home

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?  maybe!!
19.

Bath

or Shower, morning or night?  Shower in the morning

20. Best Movie You’ve seen in the Last 4 months? Doraemon

21. What’s the next movie you want to see?  Spiderman 3

22. Chips or popcorn?  Kettle style popcorn

23. Have you ever broken any hearts?  to be silent..

24. Premarital sex? hmm

25. Are you a good cook?depends on my mood

26.

Orange

or Apple juice?  Light orange juice
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you go?  I believe that would have to be Liddy and we went to Indian food.

28. Favorite type of drink? red wine and coke…….

29. Best thing in the world?  away from malaysia..

30. Have you ever broken a bone?  no
31. Have you ever won a trophy?  No
32. What is your favorite board game?  chess,etc

33. What is your dream car?  2001 navy blue GMC Z71  =-)
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?  no

35. Coke or Pepsi?  Sam’s Cola man

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? sort of when I was at a PDI.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?cold medicine
38. Who are you going to marry?  Venice,if i could..
39. Who would you like to meet? See previous question. [only KIDDING!!!!]
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?  yeah..how sily am i..

41. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?  Trust, intelligence, humor, and caring [and it helps if they are REALLY overweight]
42. Where would you go for a romantic evening? Darling harbour,sydney

43. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 10 ++ i guess
44. Last song stuck in your head? Awaka ,josh broban

45. Any pets?  one dog at home.

46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? i never really watched that

47. What is one thing you would like to learn to do? gain weight
48. What do you do when you are bored?  create post to my each blog,call interupt someone..

49. What is one thing you would want someone to appreciate about you?  my thumbs used to be double jointed…i think if more people knew how the joints fused and made them normal again I would be more loved

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?  Prepared for dinner,and also attend to josh birthday..

I’m too lazy to spend a lot time writing out things better I already wrote in an email earlier today.  This was all thinking as I’m typing, sorta like now, without editing, but it’s not like ya’ll should be used to reading my organized and delicately stated thoughts anyway. so I don’t feel like I can write a lot right now, but I will anyway. Night of week days, I had one of the most surreal experiences so far here in Melbourne.

ps:    don’t be bitter.  it does nothing but eat you from the inside out.  though it may be painful addressing a difficult issue with no right answer, it’s better than never getting over it.  giving in doesn’t make someone weak, just not bullheaded.

Woke up with a DHL delivery phone call,Goddamn it,Cause he made a time schedule 10.30am sharp to deliver,but he’s fuckin late,that’s really irritated..Shit,this is another brand new morning,another day to sit my ass here thinking about what to type since nothing happen today..Each moment that i wait feels like a year, an eternity. each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. through each moment i can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. something has gone where i cannot follow..but no worry,this’s not a pessimistic period…i shouldn’t have let myself trust anyone. or to be whatever it is, and i actually gave up,essentially, my life as i knew it, to involve into this issues.

god, i hate being this afraid. if there is a god, help me get through this. make it right. make me feel comfortable? & good about what im doing. i should try to be  gentle, kind, and forgiving and understanding. let’s pray…what if things don’t get better. what if I never grow out of this and live up to my potential. if my lives don’t turn out as planned or even close. i just want to be happy. i’m such a high maintenance person, i realise that it takes a lot for me to be happy on an everyday basis, and therefore it doesn’t happen often if it even does. I guess i have things that other people want, and it can be worse. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life…

Not much happened these past few days,my stomach ache is killing me all the time,that’s extreamly hard time…Hmm, not sure if I feel like typing anything out here today, but I guess I will anyway.  What to do with my lazy Sunday ..I’m sure there’s something out there to see in the city, but I don’t feel like leaving the house.  Oh, I’m not depressed or anything, just not feeling well cause my stomach problem as i’d mention above….It has been a while.  I recently looked back over my archives and the resulting full body cringe has been hard to come back from.  So if you’ve noticed a lack of discomfiting bitching and whining about some manufactured travail with O-town, I hope you don’t miss it, because I’d like to veer away from that sort of emotional colonic.  As much as it might have helped flush all the shit out, I wonder if all the attention paid just helped back everything right back up faster. 

Well damn, since it is relatively close to the begining of the mid year, I guess you could call some of the things I’d like not to do, some of the changes in my aproach to this blog, Resolutions:  Less think-as-I-type, un-thought-out, emotional discharges.  If I do resort back to that I’ll try to keep it to a blog I’ve set up distinctly for that, as I have in the past.

Well… That’s it for now…

Not much to say this morning… I woke up with a nasty awful stomach ache, killing me again,and some serious incidented was happend last day.my dad was so angry and upset….but,will be alright soon…

During all these years, I finally realize that I’ve changed…(or being forced to change? Or may be it’s another alternative? I can’t find any precise discription which can represent my consciousness.)

I’ve been thinking a lot of stuff that I’ve ever dreamed I would be doing or even having in mind…

The more I’m here, the more I know what I should do in my live, yet, the more I miss my home town… but seems like the call of fate has to deal with my the paradox about my craving of being "home".

As a result, nothing has left for me to live, except geting knowledge… the more I close to graduate, the more I feel like my life is over… however, a new life will be born… all the fear and the joy of emancipation will come together and finally may drive me insane. (P.S. Simply,  if you don’t know me enough, you don’t know what the hack I’m talking about….. whatever…I just wanna keep it for myself… )

however,Life is a lessons to learned,sometimes i should forget how’s my feel,have to remember what i deserve..Giving up doesn’t mean cause i’m weak,sometime it’s mean you’re strong to let go..They say time will heals everything,but i’m still waiting…